So proud of the Kiddo
It is the 3rd night in the row that she went to bed awake, with no fuss as I walked out of the room. And for the last two nights, she pointed to her room when near her bedtime (she was also visibly tired - rubbing her eyes), to which i interpret as wanting to go to bed. Seems to be so because she fussed if i attempted to do anything else, like wanting to read her another book (was checking to see if she REALLY meant it when she wanted to go to bed). And when brought to complete the rest of the bedtime routine - brushing her teeth, saying goodnight etc, she was happy and did not fuss at all (compared to if i 'ignored' her signals to go to bed).
A week back, i would not have thought that this is possible. The first 3 days were tough, when she cried and whined. But the decrease in duration of cries/fuss has been pretty dramatic after the first two days. By day 3 and 4, she fell asleep within 5mins but up to that point i was still wondering if i could EVER leave her in her cot, say goodnight, without her going all whiny at me. That happened exactly on the 7th day. I am thankful for all the friends who encouraged me and told me that it is possible to live to see this day even if i couldnt quite believe them at that point. Hahaha.
From this experience, it reaffirms a few convictions that i have regarding managing a small kid:
1) Readiness
There was no way that Kiddo would be able to get through this (or me) if she wasn't physically and mentally ready. Before her 1st birthday, she was still throwing up whenever she cried too hard (even 3-4hrs after her last meal). I remember a friend asking me to check with the Paed when i went back to SG to see if she has any gastro-reflux issues. Paed said crying till puke can take place all the way up to 3-4yrs old. At the back of my head, i guess i thought that's probably when we could finally teach her to sleep on her own. However, within the short span of 1-2mths, her throwing up when crying stopped. How we found out? From feeding her meds... she just stop upchucking even when she cried blue murder as we had to syringe her.
So now we know physically she is 'ready'... as for mentally, she has also grown more aware and showed greater understanding of what we said. Hence it was also possible to, to a certain extent, give her instructions and reassure her verbally. She also started to understand that when someone is not infront of her, it doesn't mean they automatically disappear. She could be engaged on her own when i stepped away from the room and was confident that i would return.
When teaching her to sleep on her own started, her physical readiness meant that i can reassured that she will not be crying herself sick and disrupt the whole process. As in all new things, i find that if you start something and had to give up midway, the chances that Kiddo will resist the next time round when you restart the process will be even more. And i would like to get through this once and for all, for the sake of her sleep and our sanity (i wouldn't want to go through the crying again, if i can help it). Her mental readiness meant that she has a higher chance of being able to sooth herselfand has built up an adequate (i hope) understanding and bond that Mami has not really 'abandon' her. That message is constantly being reinforced in the day night with the extra cuddles/hugs and attention. This is really necessary because she was clingy for a few days initially (but back to her old self now, if anything, with all that cuddles, she seems even more affectionate and 'cuddly' to me now).
2) Routine/Consistency
In my course of work, "routines" have been quite prominent used as a way to help children with ASD cope with stress. And it is really not much different for typical kids as well. Just think about it, when you are not so sure of the world, having limited skills to navigate and understand your surroundings, having a sense of Predictability actually helps you to feel assured and secure. From the view of a toddler, this is remarkably so. At the age when they are still so highly dependent on their parents for every need and having limited communication skills, in a stressful situation, it is likely that children will latch on to something which they find familiar. That's where having a clear, easy to understand, consistent routine comes in. And Consistency is the ultimate key that binds all these together... repetition helps the kiddos to understand what they have to do as they go through the routine experientially with the parents.
I am heartened to find that Kiddo now knows the sequence of that routine and is able to 'signal' the next step of the bedtime routine. Like after brushing teeth, if i asked her "what do we do now?" she would wave 'byebye' (that's to say nitenite to everyone - we say goodnite to all the photos of family/friends we hang on the wall aside from Dadi). She is feeling secure because she KNOWS what's going to happen next and at the end of the routine when she goes to bed, she is doubly assured that Mami will be right there in the morning because that's how the routine goes. And routines doesn't need to be complicated... it could be as many or as few steps that the child is ready to understand. I picked the steps according to what i feel will be appropriate for her age (having milk before brushing teeth) and also sustainable in the long term (e.g. brushing teeth, reading a story to her).
I cannot under-evaluate the importance of having clear routines, esp when introducing new experience and learning for her. Having that over-arc routine which she recognized and adhere to, means that when i introduce something new (I find that she doesnt quite like changes sometimes), she has enough of familiar things to hang on to to reassure her and help her cope with new things.
3) Time
What's teaching if there's not enough time to do all that's planned? In that respect, i am glad that i have a great capacity for patience for kiddos (in general) than adults. Of course being a SAHM is a big bonus because that means whatever i started, i can be there to carry it through, instead of leaving it to someone else (who may or may not do as instructed) or having gaps in the initial teaching stage (i.e. inconsistency). And because i am a SAHM, being with Kiddo 24/7 meant that i sort of figured out her little quirks and if necessary, could tweak things accordingly. These are things that are difficult to explain and to ask others to do, esp if they do not know the Kiddo as well. Well, it doesnt hurt that i am also a anal-retentive nut-job that likes to do everything herself. :P
But ultimately, the crux to the successful bedtime routine is the Kiddo. I could say, explain, hypothesize and infer as much as i like on why things have been successful but the bottomline is, if Avery doesn't want to do it, she wouldn't. And because now she can do it, it is because she TRIED to do it and actually ENJOYED doing it. So no matter what Mami has done, the kudos goes to the Kiddo for doing it. Proud of you darling... *cuddles*
A week back, i would not have thought that this is possible. The first 3 days were tough, when she cried and whined. But the decrease in duration of cries/fuss has been pretty dramatic after the first two days. By day 3 and 4, she fell asleep within 5mins but up to that point i was still wondering if i could EVER leave her in her cot, say goodnight, without her going all whiny at me. That happened exactly on the 7th day. I am thankful for all the friends who encouraged me and told me that it is possible to live to see this day even if i couldnt quite believe them at that point. Hahaha.
From this experience, it reaffirms a few convictions that i have regarding managing a small kid:
1) Readiness
There was no way that Kiddo would be able to get through this (or me) if she wasn't physically and mentally ready. Before her 1st birthday, she was still throwing up whenever she cried too hard (even 3-4hrs after her last meal). I remember a friend asking me to check with the Paed when i went back to SG to see if she has any gastro-reflux issues. Paed said crying till puke can take place all the way up to 3-4yrs old. At the back of my head, i guess i thought that's probably when we could finally teach her to sleep on her own. However, within the short span of 1-2mths, her throwing up when crying stopped. How we found out? From feeding her meds... she just stop upchucking even when she cried blue murder as we had to syringe her.
So now we know physically she is 'ready'... as for mentally, she has also grown more aware and showed greater understanding of what we said. Hence it was also possible to, to a certain extent, give her instructions and reassure her verbally. She also started to understand that when someone is not infront of her, it doesn't mean they automatically disappear. She could be engaged on her own when i stepped away from the room and was confident that i would return.
When teaching her to sleep on her own started, her physical readiness meant that i can reassured that she will not be crying herself sick and disrupt the whole process. As in all new things, i find that if you start something and had to give up midway, the chances that Kiddo will resist the next time round when you restart the process will be even more. And i would like to get through this once and for all, for the sake of her sleep and our sanity (i wouldn't want to go through the crying again, if i can help it). Her mental readiness meant that she has a higher chance of being able to sooth herselfand has built up an adequate (i hope) understanding and bond that Mami has not really 'abandon' her. That message is constantly being reinforced in the day night with the extra cuddles/hugs and attention. This is really necessary because she was clingy for a few days initially (but back to her old self now, if anything, with all that cuddles, she seems even more affectionate and 'cuddly' to me now).
2) Routine/Consistency
In my course of work, "routines" have been quite prominent used as a way to help children with ASD cope with stress. And it is really not much different for typical kids as well. Just think about it, when you are not so sure of the world, having limited skills to navigate and understand your surroundings, having a sense of Predictability actually helps you to feel assured and secure. From the view of a toddler, this is remarkably so. At the age when they are still so highly dependent on their parents for every need and having limited communication skills, in a stressful situation, it is likely that children will latch on to something which they find familiar. That's where having a clear, easy to understand, consistent routine comes in. And Consistency is the ultimate key that binds all these together... repetition helps the kiddos to understand what they have to do as they go through the routine experientially with the parents.
I am heartened to find that Kiddo now knows the sequence of that routine and is able to 'signal' the next step of the bedtime routine. Like after brushing teeth, if i asked her "what do we do now?" she would wave 'byebye' (that's to say nitenite to everyone - we say goodnite to all the photos of family/friends we hang on the wall aside from Dadi). She is feeling secure because she KNOWS what's going to happen next and at the end of the routine when she goes to bed, she is doubly assured that Mami will be right there in the morning because that's how the routine goes. And routines doesn't need to be complicated... it could be as many or as few steps that the child is ready to understand. I picked the steps according to what i feel will be appropriate for her age (having milk before brushing teeth) and also sustainable in the long term (e.g. brushing teeth, reading a story to her).
I cannot under-evaluate the importance of having clear routines, esp when introducing new experience and learning for her. Having that over-arc routine which she recognized and adhere to, means that when i introduce something new (I find that she doesnt quite like changes sometimes), she has enough of familiar things to hang on to to reassure her and help her cope with new things.
3) Time
What's teaching if there's not enough time to do all that's planned? In that respect, i am glad that i have a great capacity for patience for kiddos (in general) than adults. Of course being a SAHM is a big bonus because that means whatever i started, i can be there to carry it through, instead of leaving it to someone else (who may or may not do as instructed) or having gaps in the initial teaching stage (i.e. inconsistency). And because i am a SAHM, being with Kiddo 24/7 meant that i sort of figured out her little quirks and if necessary, could tweak things accordingly. These are things that are difficult to explain and to ask others to do, esp if they do not know the Kiddo as well. Well, it doesnt hurt that i am also a anal-retentive nut-job that likes to do everything herself. :P
But ultimately, the crux to the successful bedtime routine is the Kiddo. I could say, explain, hypothesize and infer as much as i like on why things have been successful but the bottomline is, if Avery doesn't want to do it, she wouldn't. And because now she can do it, it is because she TRIED to do it and actually ENJOYED doing it. So no matter what Mami has done, the kudos goes to the Kiddo for doing it. Proud of you darling... *cuddles*
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